I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
