Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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