Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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