he shaved USA in his pubs
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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