its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
