You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
