I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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