can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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