fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
As shirtless as possible
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
