Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
