I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
