It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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