Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
