I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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