I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
