lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
