Christians are straight up FREAKS
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
