At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
