we made out on top of his cat.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
