Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
