I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
