She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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