they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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