The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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