Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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