I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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