:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
