I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
