The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
