Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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