I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
