I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
