i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
