He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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