thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
