HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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