dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
