Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
