When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
