It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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