just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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