We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
