When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
