dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
