If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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