Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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