You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
