If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
