your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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