I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
