I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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