PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He better not be in your backpack
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
