need another drink. this is the easiest way
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
