her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
