I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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