The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
