Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I smell stomach acid.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
