i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
