dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
